Wednesday was a bittersweet day. I was so happy hubby finally got home after his run to Kansas. I swear it felt like he was gone a week.( He was only gone a day and half tops) Wednesday was also the 3rd anniversary of my Father's death. I was sadder than I thought I would be. Mom got pretty sad too, but the good news is she seemed to cheer back up today. She still has moments of grief, but they are no where near as long or as intense. I wish I had a recording of his voice. I think I have forgotten what it sounds like. I keep replaying the last days of his life, but I skip over the morning he died, it is still so traumatic to think about. I keep thinking of the things I should have said. Things that needed to be said, but I did not realize his end was quite so near. We were told that the chemo was not helping. They told Dad to make the decision to continue treatment which was not helping and only making
him sicker, or to enjoy the time he had left. The doctors told him, you have at least 6 months. That was on a Tuesday, and on the next Saturday he died. Four days later. That was by far one of the hardest week of my life. It is neat now to look back and I can see God's hand and his timing over everything that happened that last week of his life. Mom ended up in the hospital on Tuesday,on Wednesday Dad ended up in a different hospital, in a different town, Thursday Mom had surgery,Friday night Dad was released from the hospital, Mom got released from the hospital on Saturday, but Dad died before she was released. They talked on the phone and Mom told Dad she would be home soon. They hung up and within 10 mins he was gone.
I really did not plan to go into this, but it came out and I am going to leave it.
2 comments:
Sometimes the best things for us are things we don't plan to put in black and white.......but do.
Hard anniversary to wade through--it's clear that G-d had plans and took very good care of both your mom and your dad. But yes, bittersweet.
There's a lot of things we all wish we'd have done differently--for me it was a life lesson to say and do those things that I truly feel compelled to say and do when the opportunity presents itself. I call it the 'no regret card'. I play it on a daily basis. I suspect that's probably true for you as well.
Hug your mom tighter and let her know how loved she well and truly is, eh?
And thank you for not pushing 'delete' and instead hitting 'publish'.
I've come to understand that putting things outside of my head, in black and white as a GOOD thing.
*hugs*
True for me. I'll trust that's true for you as well.
You are right, I feel better getting it out of my head for sure...The no regret card yeah...I am learning to play that one everyday.
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